This might sound simple, perhaps even something you’ve heard before, but my heart keeps urging me to share it because if even one person feels seen, comforted, or reminded by these words, then it’s worth putting them out there.

I may have 12 years of experience behind me, but the core of my message hasn’t changed. Life has shown me sometimes gently, sometimes brutally, just how fast everything can shift. What you think is certain can disappear in an instant.

You never truly know what someone is carrying behind their smile. Be kind. Hug your people. Say “I love you” every chance you get. The last thing I ever said to Shawn and the last thing he heard from me was “I love you” in his final moments. That’s a gift I will always hold onto. I am forever grateful it was those words that closed our chapter.

Please don’t judge. You don’t need to fully understand someone’s struggle to show them compassion and grace. Just be there. Show up. Love out loud.

Make memories, so many memories. Take the photos, laugh at the silly things. Recognize and hold onto every little moment you experience with your person, and then cherish them, as insignificant as they may appear at that moment in time. Why? Because one day, you WILL find yourself aching for just one more moment with your person, and those memories will be the soft place your heart lands when it hurts the most.

Don’t take the people in your life for granted. Not for a second. They are in your life for a season and a reason. If you’re lucky enough to understand the reason before your season with them is over, that’s a rare and beautiful blessing.

As for me, I do NOT care if someone judges me and feels I’m redundant. I’ll never stop saying Shawn’s name because he left behind a legacy of love. His gift to me, and one I now carry forward to share. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re all here to do?

Peace, LOVE, and Hugs!

I have a confession. I didn’t realize Memorial Day was this coming Monday. The only reason it even crossed my radar was thanks to a bombardment of ads for sales for mattresses, barbecue pits, and just about everything in between. And just like that, my brain started spiraling.

“What is Memorial Day really about again?”

I noticed some posts and ads casually referencing “Honoring All Who Served,” which made me pause. Isn’t that Veterans Day? That’s in the fall, right??? So I did what any slightly embarrassed but curious person does… I Googled it. And let me tell you, Google gave me a gentle (Okay, not-so-gentle) reality check.

So now I’m here, not just to redeem myself, but to share what I relearned, just in case someone else out there is as fuzzy on the details as I was. So let’s clear this up…

Memorial Day is not just the “unofficial start of summer.” It’s not about weekend getaways, cookouts, or scoring a great deal on a new sofa. It’s not a day to honor all who served. That’s what Veterans Day in November is for.

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance. It’s specifically set aside to honor and mourn the men and women of the U.S. Military who died while serving their country.

And let’s go even deeper.

Memorial Day is also a time to acknowledge those who lost their battles after the war. Those who made it home, only to face the long, invisible struggles of PTSD, trauma, and other wounds that claimed their lives later. Their sacrifices are no less real.

Yes, many people will be off work on Monday, but let’s pause between the burgers and the beaches. We’ll get to enjoy time with our families and maybe even squeeze in a little sunshine and rest. But let’s not forget who gave up the chance to do those same things. Let’s not forget somewhere, right now, there’s a spouse, a child, a parent, a fiancé, a sibling, or a friend who is carrying the weight of that loss. While we enjoy the day, they are remembering the heroes they lost.

This Memorial Day, I hope you’ll join me in taking a moment, a real moment, to remember what this day is truly about. It’s not just a long weekend. It’s a respectful pause, a tribute, and the responsibility for us to remember the fallen.

PEACE, Love, and Hugs!

I believe there are two types of teachers in this world; chances are, we’ve all learned from both.

The first type grades tests with a red ink pen. They mark the wrong answers with big, bold Xs. No explanations, no suggestions. Just a silent judgment that says, “You got this wrong.” They focus on what you missed, not how you might improve or how hard you tried.

Then there’s the second type, the blue pen teacher. They don’t just grade; they coach. When you make a mistake, they leave a note beside it, guiding you through the error, helping you understand, and encouraging you to do better next time. These are the teachers who see potential in every misstep and turn every test into a learning moment.

And just like there are two types of teachers, I believe there are two types of people.

Some walk through life with a red pen. They look for the flaw, highlight your mistakes, and focus on what went wrong. Not to help. Their goal isn’t growth; it’s to point out failure.

But then there are the blue pen people. The encouragers, the mentors, the people who help you turn setbacks into stepping stones. They don’t just point out what’s wrong, they help you figure out why and how to grow from it. They see mistakes as a necessary part of learning and evolving.

This idea doesn’t stop with teachers or peers. It extends into leadership.

The red micromanage and focus on what their team is doing wrong. They create fear, not growth. They think leadership is about control. The blue, on the other hand, leads with trust and compassion. They give feedback that builds rather than breaks. When something goes wrong, they ask, “How can we learn from this?” rather than, “You messed up!” Red leaders keep people small. Blue leaders help people rise.

Blue is the color of building, of planning, of possibility. Be someone’s blueprint. They don’t call them blueprints for no reason. Be the one who helps lay the foundation, guides the structure, and builds others up. Not tear them down.

In a world full of red pens, be someone who chooses a blue pen, as a teacher, a peer, a leader, and most importantly, as a human being. And if you are already a blue pen, have compassion for the red ones. Chances are, they were taught, led, or raised by someone who only used red. Sometimes people pass on what they were given. Not because it’s right, but because it’s all they know.

So lead with grace. Teach with empathy. Live with intention. The world doesn’t need more correction. It needs more connection.

Be the blue.

Peace, LOVE & Hugs!

Word of the day: Complications

The word was blaring in my head all night long, so let’s see where this takes me.

When you hear the word complications in a hospital, it’s usually terrifying. “There could be complications,” or “We had complications during surgery.” And in that moment, you surrender to whatever those complications are, and do whatever it takes to get better. The destination is clear- get out, heal, and move forward with your life.

So why don’t we live like that every day? Shouldn’t our destination not be a specific place, but a new way of seeing life?

Why do we complicate our lives by trying to control them by piling on unnecessary stress by overthinking every decision, and hesitating out of fear, when we know the more we complicate things, the more complications we create?

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize, “This is not what I want to keep going through.” Shouldn’t that be the very moment we start seeing life differently? A moment to simplify rather than complicate? But too often, instead of embracing change, why do we add more pressure, more expectations, more distractions?

Maybe we should ignore the odds, the overthinking, the complications, the need to control. And just let…go. Trust the flow. Let life take you where you’re meant to go.

I guess the answer to life is just that simple, and not as complicated as we make it. It’s not about controlling life, but about surrendering to it.

Peace, Love, and HUGS!

“Eight Letters, Three Words, One Feeling: I Love You”

I bet the title had you thinking this was going to be one of those sentimental, sugar-coated takes on love. But not today. In fact, this might come across as a little tough, but trust me, it comes from experience. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, and in the process, I’ve learned exactly what love is and what isn’t. So here goes…

“I love you.” Three simple words, yet they hold power to change lives, heal wounds, and create the deepest connections.

Love is one of the most beautiful experiences we can share, but the truth is, many people don’t realize the value until it’s gone. We often confuse love with attachment or obligation. But real love? It doesn’t leave you questioning your worth.

Love is not a reason to tolerate disrespect. If you have to beg for love, it’s not love at all. The person who truly loves you will never make you feel like you have to fight for a place in their life. Love isn’t possession. It isn’t about control. It isn’t about losing yourself to make someone happy.

And sometimes love hurts. Ironically, the ones we think would never hurt us are often the ones who do. But even with the pain, we should choose to love ourselves. Choosing yourself is not giving up on love for others.

If love makes you feel small, uncertain, or unworthy, then it’s not the love you deserve. It’s okay to walk away from what doesn’t feel right. The sooner you do, the sooner you make room for the love that is meant for you.

And the greatest truth about love? You can’t truly receive it until you’re willing to give it freely, without fear, and without limits.

Why? Because in the end, love isn’t something you take; it’s something you become. So love hard, deeply, fearlessly, and unapologetically because no matter what, true love is always worth it.

Peace, LOVE, and Hugs!

If you’ve been riding along for the past two weeks, you know she found herself at a fork in the road. A place of reflection or possibility. Then last week, she reached a stop sign, a moment where she had to pause, find stillness, and truly listen to where God was leading her.

So here we are, this week. She has more clarity but still has a few lingering questions. She’s at a check-your-engine point.

The road that’s called LIFE moves fast. Between responsibilities, expectations, and the constant pressure to meet others’ needs, it’s easy to lose sight of ourselves. But at some point, we have to check in and ask: Am I spending my time and energy on the right people and things?

Time is precious. If a person or situation doesn’t recognize your worth, why continue pouring into something that doesn’t pour back into you? Efforts speak volumes. When someone genuinely values you, their actions—big or small—reflect it. Love, respect, and appreciation aren’t just spoken; they’re shown.

So take a moment and ask yourself:

-When was the last time I truly recharged—physically, mentally, or emotionally?

-Are the people in my life uplifting me?

-Am I the only one making an effort?

-Am I receiving the same energy I’m giving?

If you’re a priority in someone’s life, their actions will show it. If you constantly have to question where you stand, that may already be your answer.

Beyond relationships, this check-in applies to all areas of life. Are you where you want to be? If not, maybe it’s time to make a change. Growth requires honest reflection and the courage to walk away from what no longer serves you.

She’s still on the journey. But with every check-in, she’s getting closer to clarity, closer to alignment, and closer to the life she…. I am meant to live. Why? Because I know MY time and peace are invaluable to the life I deserve. I will continue to check in with myself ensuring that the people in my life and the spaces where I want to grow are truly valuable and worthy of my energy.

And I hope if you are at a fork in the road, you find stillness so you, too, can check your engine!

Peace, love, and HUGS!

I am sure there’s been a time (or two) in your life when you just didn’t know which way to turn. You don’t know where life is taking you. One minute, you think you’ve got it all figured out, and the next, you’re left with nothing but confusion. Mixed signals. Second-guessing. Scratching your head, wondering, what the hell is this all about?

Ever felt that?

Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve found yourself on the back of a Harley-Davidson on a perfect Sunday afternoon. The sun is shining without a cloud in the sky, and for a few hours, you feel completely free. No deadlines. No expectations. You pull out your phone and snap a selfie in the rearview mirror, not because of vanity but because you want to capture this feeling. Because you know tomorrow is Monday. And Monday means going back to being the person you have to be during the week.

No? You’ve never done that? Well, just roll with me here (no pun intended) and pretend you know exactly what I am talking about.

Imagine this: a girl riding on the back of a motorcycle, taking that mirror selfie at a literal fork in the road. Two paths stretch ahead, left or right. Each one leads to something. Maybe adventure. Maybe disaster. Maybe something she never saw coming – or maybe, gasps… exactly what she’s been praying and searching for.

The question is, which way should she go? And maybe the bigger question is, should she even be looking in that rearview mirror at all? It’s easy to keep glancing back, isn’t it? To get caught up in who we used to be. Sometimes, the reflection feels clearer than the road ahead.

But here’s the thing: She can’t move forward if she keeps looking back. That rearview mirror is small for a reason. It’s there to remind her where she’s been, not to dictate where she could possibly go.

So maybe this is the moment. The fork in the road. The time for her to choose:

Left or right?
Forward or back?
Reflection or possibility?

Take the selfie if you must. Capture the moment. But then put the phone away, wrap your arms around the present, and lean into the turn.

Because in the twists and turns on the road ahead of her is where she will find her answers.

And who is she? She is… me. Yup, I took this picture. That’s me in the mirror at the fork of a road, literally.

Peace, Love, and HUGS!

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Or as some of us call it- Friday. A Friday where we get to watch our social media feeds explode with flower arrangements, overpriced chocolates, and couples declaring their undying love for each other. How sweet. How romantic. How…. predictable.

Look, if you’re here, you probably thought this was going to be one of those “You’re not alone, your person is out there, just be patient” pep talks. Nope. Not today. Let’s be real: Valentine’s Day has a way of reminding us who has a person and who is currently binge-watching Netflix with a family-sized pizza (which, let’s be real with each other here, is just a personal pizza with a few extra steps).

But before you spiral into the abyss of self-pity, let me let you in on a little secret, Valentine’s Day is just another day. No, seriously. The world keeps spinning whether or not you receive a stuffed bear holding a heart that says “I Wuv You.”

And honestly, let’s talk about the people in relationships for a second. While the single, pizza-eating people are dodging heart-shaped advertisements, they’re out there stressing. What to buy? Is a card enough? Will she be mad if it’s not jewelry? Will he even notice if I just cook dinner instead? Meanwhile, the pizza eaters have no expectations, no last-minute drugstore runs, no pressure. Kind of sounds like.. freedom???

Because when it comes down to it, isn’t love supposed to be more than just one day? Shouldn’t we be celebrating love, kindness, and appreciation every day? Love isn’t just grand gestures and fancy dinners, it’s feeling seen, valued, and in my opinion, the most important, feeling… wanted.

So if you’re going to be alone tomorrow night. I salute you. I see you. You’re not actually missing out, you’re just waiting for the right person. And maybe, just maybe, they’re out there too and will be sitting on their sofa, eating their pizza, waiting for the day when they finally get to spend every day making you feel seen, valued, wanted, and like every day is a Valentine’s Day.

Until then? Wait for it. Enjoy the freedom, own your Friday night, and remember – 50% off chocolate starts on Saturday.

Peace, love, and HUGS!

Here we are two weeks into the new year. I thought I’d check in to see how’s it going for you? How are those resolutions holding up? New year, new you, right?

For some, the promise they made to themselves at midnight on January 1st is still alive. If that’s you, I applaud your commitment and determination! Keep at it. New beginnings are your stepping stones to your growth and health.

And then there are people like me, those who didn’t make a resolution, or who decided we were perfectly fine with who we were going into the new year. New year, old me.

So how’s it going for all of the new year, old you people? You are my people!! If you are like me, you’ve probably had some moments of clarity. Maybe you’ve been reminded that the world around us doesn’t change just because the calendar does. And you know what? That’s okay. The old you saw it coming and didn’t go into the new year expecting anything different. We have learned to accept what is. Let go of what was. And have Faith in what will be. I applaud YOU, too! Because sometimes the best resolution is simply to stay true to yourself.

And for all of the new year, new you people out there…. Could you do us one simple favor and work on your gym etiquette for all of us old me’s who have been going all year long?

Peace, Love, & HUGS!

What does a girl do when she’s diagnosed with the flu during Christmas week? It’s easy to surrender to frustration or sadness on missing out on family, grandchildren, and the holiday parties. Does she feel sorry for herself? Get upset about being sick and lonely? Or maybe angry at the thought that someone else spread their germs?

No, not this girl.

This girl, who has spent nearly a week battling Type A flu, chose a different path. I decided to dig deep into my thoughts and look for gratitude instead of dwelling on disappointment. And you know what? I found it.

Yes, the year 2024 is ending on a sick note for me. But this year has been one of the best I’ve had in a very long time. A year so full of blessings that being grateful feels like the only fitting way to close it.

This year began with a dream come true. In January, I stepped into a new role with a new dream job. A position I never imagined achieving a few years ago. It was a moment that felt surreal. A true testament to the power of prayer.

Then came one of my greatest joys of life, welcoming my fourth grandbaby into the world. If you’re a grandparent, you know there’s no love quite like it. My heart grew fuller this year.

2024 was also a year of victories for my children. I watched two of them land new jobs with new roles, while my third child walked across the stage becoming a nurse practitioner. It was a moment of pride that I’ll treasure forever. One of my children also became a new homeowner this year as well.

So as I sit here at the end of the year, sick but not defeated, I choose gratitude. I chose to reflect on the incredible blessings that have come my way in 2024. My health will return, but the memories and milestones of this year will stay with me forever.

I’m thankful for the opportunities, the growth, and the love I’ve experienced. And instead of focusing on the flu, I’m choosing to rest, recharge, and prepare for what’s to come.

2025, I’m ready for you. If this year was any indication, I have every reason to believe the best is yet to come.

Wishing all of you a holiday season filled with love, hope, and a little bit of flu-free gratitude.

Peace, love, and HUGS!

Today would have been your 59th birthday. I sit here, reflecting on how we might have celebrated this special day. I can’t help but let my mind wander to thoughts of birthday celebrations in Heaven. What do they look like? Are there angelic choirs singing, radiant lights with a divine glow, and joyous parties that are better than anything we could ever imagine on Earth? My faith and heart tell me you are in Heaven, where every day is a celebration.

I picture you surrounded by beauty, peace, and love that words here could never truly capture. It’s comforting to know that no matter how much effort I could have poured into making this day special for you, there is no comparison to the glory of where you are now. I feel peace knowing you are in Paradise and that you are embraced by something far greater than anything we could ever create or experience here.

It soothes my soul to think of how you are surrounded by love and part of a celebration that never ends. One day, I will join you, and we will celebrate together. Until that day comes, I will carry on here and move forward with my life, as you would want me to. I will continue to honor your legacy by living as you once lived with kindness, strength, and complete unconditional love for those around me.

Today, I celebrate you. I celebrate your life, your laughter, and the beautiful memories we once shared. And though the ache of your absence will always remain, so does the gratitude for the time we had. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Shawn. You are forever celebrated, forever loved, and forever remembered.

On October 31, 1982, I went on my first date with Shawn. I was about four months shy of 16 and had to sneak out, telling my parents I was going to a haunted house with my friends because I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16 years old. I can remember the mix of nervousness and the excitement of those early days.

If you think back to your own first date, you can probably still feel the butterflies in your stomach, that thrill of holding hands for the first time, maybe even that first kiss. It’s a rush of emotions and newness, and we never think those feelings will fade. Yet, as months turn into years, as we build lives together filled with commitments, work, and eventually, kids, that spark we once had can fade into the background. The excitement that once came naturally turns into routine, and the passion that once lit up every interaction can sometimes feel buried under daily responsibilities.

Even though 42 years have passed since our first date, I still cherish the memories of all the firsts I was blessed to share with Shawn.

If I could give one piece of advice, it would be this: never stop dating your partner. No matter how many years have passed, or how many responsibilities fill your days. Make it a priority to rekindle that spark. Life will shift and change, and if life allows, there will come a time when it’s just the two of you again. Nurture that connection today, so that when the years have passed, the spark is still there, ready to carry you through.

So go on those dates, sneak a kiss, hold hands, and remember the magic of the first night together. Let it remind you why you chose each other in the first place and keep choosing each other, every single day.

Peace, Love, & HUGS!

Back in May 2024, I asked you to consider the last time you truly saw someone- not just by looking at their face, but by looking deep into their eyes. I mentioned the eyes are often called the windows to the soul for a reason because they reveal the stories a smile might conceal, the depth of a person’s experiences, their sorrows, fears, and hidden truths.

That reflection has since led me to think deeper: Do we really know someone’s soul?

We can spend years with someone, loving them, and yet never touch the essence of who they truly are. We might know their habits, their quirks, and their outward expressions, but what about the hidden depths that live deep in their soul?

What are their dreams? What fears do they carry? What is their favorite smell that reminds them of a special memory? What makes them laugh from the deepest part of their being? What do they long for when the world is still and quiet? And perhaps most importantly, do they want us to know the parts of themselves they rarely show?

We often move through life on the surface, but what would change if we allowed ourselves to reach deeper? To connect not just with the person in front of us but with an intention to learn the invisible parts that make them who they are?

So I leave you with this: To truly know someone is not to simply touch their skin. It’s about touching their soul.

Peace, Love & HUGS!

Today marks 10 years since I made the decision to remove my wedding band, nine months after losing Shawn. At that time when I posted the following, I wanted to convey a message. And now a decade later, I find myself wanting to express that same thought, but with wisdom and growth that has come from my journey.

Ten years ago today, I took the ring off my finger and placed both of our wedding bands on a chain, which I wore around my neck for nearly a year. What I was trying to say then, and what I am trying to emphasize now, is this, a wedding ring isn’t the true reflection of a marriage. Some may feel the need for a big diamond or a flashy ring, but it’s not the ring that defines a marriage. It’s the two people who wear those rings that truly matter.

There will come a time, unfortunately, when one of you will face the heartbreaking decision of what to do with your ring after losing your spouse, just as I had to. Please remember, the moment you take your vow and exchange those rings, those rings are just symbols. What truly defines a marriage is the love and commitment between the two people who wear them.

Peace, Love & Hugs!

September 24, 2014

As l lay in my bed tonight my hand automatically wanted to hold my necklace of love. I took my wedding ring off today because it no longer felt the same on my finger as it once did. Somehow it feels better next to his, closer to my heart, and around my neck. That’s also his crucifix and mine too. Our rings are now closer to my heart and surrounded by Jesus. Why am I posting this??? I guess I wanted to share with you my experience with our rings. When we got married at the age of 20 and 21 we had promised each other that we would give each other “better” rings when we could afford to. Through the years we continued to wear our modest rings and with each anniversary we would say maybe next year we would buy new rings. Somehow it never was the right time. When we celebrated our 25th year of marriage, we both looked at our rings and at the same time said that we didn’t want to ever get new rings because these were the rings that we stood before God when we made our vows to each other. Shawn and I knew it was the two of us that made our marriage, not the rings. I sometimes catch people looking at my neck when I leave my house and at first, I didn’t understand what they were looking at. Now I pray when they see my necklace of love they are reminded that the rings they proudly wear on their fingers could possibly be worn around their necks one day like me. I pray they go home to their spouses and realize how blessed they are and their rings aren’t their marriage, it’s the two people who wear them. God Bless! Hugs!

I hope there comes a time in your life when you finally reach a place of true awareness. You’ll know you’re there when you feel unapologetically confident in who you are and what you stand for. It’s a journey marked by trials, mistakes, and heartache- challenges that test and shape us. But when you arrive at this place, it’s almost indescribable.

It has taken loss, heartache, prayers, finding my tribe of people, and A LOT of therapy for me to arrive at this beautiful place. Although I still don’t have all the answers yet, it’s what excites me the most. I feel the day you believe you know it all, is the day you stop learning and growing into the person you are meant to be.

But here’s what I do know.

I’m drawn to people who are consumed with passion, and who have a fire growing inside of them. The deep thinkers who can hold a meaningful conversation but most importantly, also have a very wicked sense of humor that makes me laugh at the most serious moments. I love the strong ones who don’t let their pride mask their vulnerabilities, and who are brave enough to speak up for what they want or don’t want in their life.

I’m in love with those who know how to listen wholeheartedly without rushing to offer judgmental advice. People with big hearts, deep souls, and wild minds who crave adventure. I cherish a friend who doesn’t count favors and simply lives by the testament: We’ve got each other’s back.

And this is what I know for sure.

If you’re not pouring into me with the same intention and love that I have to offer, I’m okay with that. I’ve learned to believe who you are the first time you show me. I no longer have the time to wait for someone to become the person I hoped they could be. And If you avoid me, it speaks more about you than it does about me because I am an open-hearted, open-minded soul with nothing to hide. It’s obvious it is you that has something to hide.

And listen up, if I’ve cut you out of my life, trust that it was for those reasons. Believe me when I say, I cut you out of my life for a reason. If you want back in, you’d better come back with intention, changed behavior, and genuine love. Only then will I decide if I have space for you in my life.

This may sound harsh to the weak-minded, but this unapologetic confidence I now have has brought me to a new level of self-assurance. A deeper loyalty to myself and the boundaries I’ve set for my own well-being.

But what intrigues me most are those who aren’t intimidated by my confidence and boundaries. Those willing to challenge themselves because they truly want to be a part of my life. Only the brave souls who seek the opportunity to experience genuine love and loyalty are welcomed into my world. No acceptions.

Peace, Love & Hugs!

We’ve all been there- stuck in traffic, aggravated and frustrated with the person in front of us driving too slowly. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. But then I wonder how many times have I frustrated someone else because I was distracted, or driving slowly, lost in thought about something I was going through.

We’ve also all heard the saying, “Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about, so be kind.” But it’s not until you find yourself in a personal struggle that you truly realize just how important kindness and patience are- especially when you’re the one who needs them most.

I feel there seems to be a misconception that grief only arises when we lose someone. But grief is much broader than that. People grieve over circumstances, relationships, missed opportunities, and even the versions of themselves that might have existed if things had turned out differently if they had made a different choice, if they had spoken up at the right moment, or if someone had stood up for them. Grief is painful. Grief causes distractions.

But how do we know when someone is going through such pain? It’s not as if we wear labels on our foreheads that say, “I lost my job,” I’m fighting cancer,” I’m going through a bad divorce,” I’m suffering emotional abuse,” or “I’m feeling worthless.” There’s no bumper sticker to say, “I messed up financially,” or…… “I’m grieving.” Yet the truth remains, everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.

The least we can do is be patient and kind. The next time we find ourselves frustrated in traffic because someone is driving too slowly, consider that they may be in the middle of a battle right now. A battle without a label, without a bumper sticker to let us know.

Or maybe just maybe, we need to recognize battles within ourselves. That frustration we feel in traffic could be a perfect opportunity to acknowledge that our anger has nothing to do with being stuck behind a slow car. Instead, it might be a reflection of something deeper going on inside us. It could be our chance to pause, reflect, and find compassion, not just for others, but for ourselves.

Be kind to others, but most importantly, be kind to yourself because only then can you truly see that everyone is fighting a battle.

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Dear New Grief,

First and foremost, I want to express how deeply sorry I am for the pain you’re experiencing. Please know that even if it doesn’t feel this way now, you will get through this. There will come a time when you realize it. You will discover a purpose behind your pain. But in the meantime, I want to share something with you.

Grief from loss doesn’t disappear on command. You can try to drink it away, shop it away, push it down, ignore it, or pretend.. Grief is patient. It will wait for you, and it will return, demanding to be felt.

Grief offers us a choice: to turn our backs on life and wither away, or to honor ourselves by healing and moving forward.

It is easy to let your life become defined by how something ended, but true healing comes from remembering how it felt when it was yours. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can cry and close your mind and feel the emptiness, or you can smile, open your heart, love, and live.

But even as you heal, remember no matter how much work you’ve done on yourself, we all snap back sometimes. So be easy on you. No matter how much progress you make, there will be days when it feels like you’re back at the beginning. And that’s okay. Be kind to yourself to feel, grieve, and remember that healing is not about forgetting the pain. It involves embracing the fullness of your memories.

Please be happy for tomorrow and remember the joy of yesterday.

Peace, Love & Hugs,
Daneen

This morning, I woke up with a word blaring in my mind: fate. I have no idea why it appeared, but as my morning progressed, it refused to leave. Over and over, the word kept ringing in my head. Naturally, when this happens, it’s my signal to attempt to release what is happening in my brain. So here goes….

Fate, as they say, typically refers to events or outcomes that are predetermined and beyond our control. This definition makes me wonder, is it fate that certain people have entered and exited my life, guiding me toward my destiny?

I can’t help but think about the experiences and relationships that have shaped my journey. Each interaction, each encounter, seems to weave moments that appear random at first, but end up forming a pattern.

Perhaps fate is not just about predestination but also about the paths we choose to follow and the lessons we decide to learn. And how the people who have crossed my path were meant to teach me something and whether their presence or absence nudged me closer to fulfilling my purpose.

I guess you just can’t fight fate. It has a way of weaving itself into our lives, often in ways we least expect it. No matter how much I try to plan, predict, or control my path, there are moments when fate steps in, guiding me to unforeseen destinations. It’s in these moments that I realize I can’t fight fate. Instead, I embrace the journey, trusting that each twist and turn has a purpose, leading me exactly where I need to be.

So, as I release these thoughts into the world, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences as I have. Consider the possibility that fate is not just a distant, uncontrollable force but a quiet, gentle guide, shaping your journey in ways you might not yet understand. Embrace the people and moments that come your way, for they might just be the stepping stones leading you to your true destiny.

Last night, you visited me in my dream again. Over the past ten years, I’ve had countless dreams about you, but a few stand out as vividly as this one. Those special dreams are different. They linger in my mind with complete clarity, convincing me you are still with me.

In the early days, waking up from these dreams filled me with deep pain, longing for just one more moment to hold you in my arms and have you here beside me. Each one was a bittersweet reminder of what once was and what could never be again.

But over time, something changed. The sorrow began to fade, replaced by a comforting realization. These dreams became a source of comfort rather than sadness, a way for you to remind me that you are still with me, even if not in the way I once knew. I no longer dread waking up to find you gone. Instead, I cherish the moments when you visit me in my dreams, knowing you’re watching over me, guiding me, and loving me from Heaven.

Last night’s dream we were in an unfamiliar place, but everything felt so real. We didn’t need to speak much; just being together was enough. I woke up with a sense of peace, a feeling that your visit is to remind me that you’re never really gone.

Thank you for your visits, the comfort, and the reminders that love never dies. I’ll be here, waiting for the next time you choose to visit me in my dreams. Until then, I’ll carry the memory of last night’s dream in my heart, a precious gift from you that will keep me company until we meet again.

Happy 37th Heavenly Wedding Anniversary, Shawn. Today would have marked 37 years since we said: “I do.” As I reflect on our wedding day and the life we once shared, I feel your presence and love surrounding me.

There’s an old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” and this particular picture speaks volumes to me. It takes me back to one of our cherished long weekend escapes to the beach. The memories of that time come rushing back whenever I see this image.

I remember the day vividly. While I was soaking up the sun by the pool, you chose a spot in the shade to nap. I glanced over at you and couldn’t help but smile. I knew I had to capture this moment. This picture of you resting has always been one of my favorites.

Looking at this picture now brings me comfort. It’s how I envision you in Heaven, resting peacefully, free from worries, and surrounded by the Holiness of God. This image captured not just a moment in time, it’s how I see you in my heart.

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it’s easy to forget to pause and appreciate these simple, yet profound moments. This picture reminds me of the importance of finding peace and joy in the little things.

This photograph isn’t just an image; it’s a story, memory, and a reflection of the beautiful person you were. And in my mind’s eye, this is how you will always be….. A picture of perfect contentment resting peacefully in Paradise.

Until we meet again, I will continue to seek the simple moments in life that matter the most. Rest peacefully! You are deeply loved and missed.

Regrets? Oh, I’ve got some. Some are the kind that make you cringe at 2 am, and others are those brutal life lessons that leave a lasting impression (or maybe a scar). But there’s one regret that stands out like a neon sign dead in the night. This one involves a wild night on our Harley Davidson motorcycle, a bottle of vodka, and a tattoo that only a select few know about….until now.

Once upon a time Shawn and I owned a Harley. Yep, I was a biker chick who wore leather boots, a doo rag on my head under my helmet, and as embarrassing as it is to admit, yes, I wore leather biker chaps too. Leather…black….assless chaps. Got a visual yet??? And guess what? Shawn wore the same as I and so did our best friends who also owned a Harley. Thinking back now, I am sure we looked like a small gang riding in and out of our quiet, humble neighborhood while setting off car alarms from the loud pipe sounds coming from our bikes. (No lie, this happened)

One evening while riding with our friends and maybe, a few drinks later, somehow…. our motorcycles led us into a tattoo parlor’s parking lot which just so happened to be the same parlor Shawn went to get tribal flames with my “D” initial tattooed on his upper arm a few weeks prior. There was also a gas station located right across the street that just so happened to sell liquor.

And this is where things took their regretful turn of events.

I was the only one out of our motorcycle gang who didn’t have any ink on my body and for some reason…. this would be the day I decided it was my turn to sport a tattoo somewhere on my body but I was scared it would hurt. At the time, I thought it was a good thing my bestie’s husband realized I was worried because within 10 minutes of us entering he had the solution to calm my fears. Remember the good old gas station I mentioned across the street? It had just what I needed…Vodka!

I am going to spare you some of the drunken details and skip to the next morning when I woke up with a massive headache and a bandage on my body because there is no need to explain how things went from… Hello, Vodka to Goodbye Dignity!

When my eyes opened, my first thought was that I needed something for my headache. And why the hell does my back, my lower back, my very lower back hurt? I rolled over and with my hand, I touched my back only to discover I had something taped to it. I popped out of my bed and ran into our bathroom to look in the mirror. As I turned around to look over my shoulder into our mirror, I had the tattoo parlor flashback from the day before. Nooooo way!! I did NOT! I yanked the bandage off and to my horror, my body was now the owner of a tramp stamp!

If you think things couldn’t be any worse, buckle up because this is where things get worse.

This is when Shawn enters the bathroom with the grin on his face that anyone who knew him, knows the grin I am talking about. Are you freaking serious?? OMG! I have a tramp stamp! And not only do I have a tramp stamp, it is huge! It is ugly! It is colored! It has a red heart with black tribal flames on the sides of it. What do those letters I can’t see in the middle of the heart spell? And through his laughter he proudly informs me… “It says, Shawn.”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you probably think this is where the story ends. But nooooooo….this is when the story only gets worse!!!

Me: “OMG…. I have been branded like livestock. I can’t let anyone know I have a tat, especially my father! Even though I am 30-something years old, married, and have three children, he would be so mad at me.”

Six months later….

My sister needed surgery and I was the only family member who matched her blood type. So my father met me at the hospital to watch my children in the lobby so I could go upstairs to fill out the papers to donate my blood for my sister’s upcoming surgery. Did you know you cannot donate blood if you get a tattoo within the year you want to donate? Yeah, me neither. I wish I had never checked that regretful little box next to the question asking if I got a tattoo within that year. And guess who had to go downstairs to explain to my father in front of my own children why I was turned away from donating blood? Me! I can happily say my sister did well; her donor obviously didn’t get a tattoo that year. And as for the confession to my father and how he took it? Well after my sister’s surgery was over and until the day he went to be with Jesus we laughed about the day I had to tell him I was a branded cow.

Moral of the story: Some regrets are life’s way of teaching us lessons – like not mixing vodka and decision-making. Others stick with us forever, like a tattoo helping you to never forget because every time you look in the mirror there’s an inky reminder of that one crazy night. Regrets might be a part of life, But Hey…..at least they make for some unforgettable stories.

Have I learned my lesson? Yes!! Who wants to come with me to get my next tattoo with no vodka involved?

Peace, Love, & Hugs!

Over the past year, I have launched a new journey of learning to let go of what no longer belongs in my life. This process has taught me that releasing control and embracing the flow of life has led me to unexpected growth and freedom. I’ve come to understand that clinging to past experiences, regrets, or fears only slows my progress and prevents me from fully experiencing the present. By letting go I have discovered the importance of surrendering everything to God, trusting in the natural course of life, and the power of resilience. This journey has not been easy, but it has been incredibly rewarding, offering me a sense of peace and clarity I never knew was possible.

Letting go isn’t about forgetting, ignoring, or avoiding the past. It doesn’t leave behind the feelings of anger or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing, it’s not about pride or how it makes me appear. It’s not about blocking the memories or dwelling on sad thoughts. It doesn’t result in emptiness, hurt, or sadness. Letting go is not about loss or defeat. It’s about finding peace and moving forward with a renewed sense of freedom and acceptance.

Letting go is having an open mind and confidence in the future. To let go is to accept, learn, and grow. It is to be thankful for the experiences that made me laugh and made me cry. It’s about all that I have, all that I had, and if it is God’s will, all that I will soon have again. It’s having the courage to accept change, the strength to keep moving forward, and continue growing from my experiences.

By letting go, I have opened a door, cleared a new path, and set myself free by allowing space for new beginnings. It’s realizing that my heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

I have been open, honest, and sometimes raw when writing to you. I always promised I would. I knew when I began writing again and chose to share my life, thoughts, and feelings with you, that I would be opening up a place in myself I had closed for about six years when I stopped. A lot has happened in those six years that I stored and never released like I once did when I was writing as the “Journey of the Widowed Diva.” Back then, my therapy was releasing the grieving craziness that my head and my heart were screaming by writing and sharing it with you.
So here we are, I am sharing myself with you once again, but this time my writing isn’t my therapy. My therapy is my therapy. Yup, you read that correctly. I have been in therapy with a licensed therapist for over a year now. And guess what, I am NOT ashamed to share that with you. It has been the bravest thing I have ever done in my life. Therapy ain’t for the weak…. it will dig up sh*t you have buried, ignored, and pushed away for years and years. It makes you face your fears and shows you who you are. Once you unlock what you have been hiding from yourself, there is no more running away from it. It has been brutal and ugly at times, but it has been the most beautiful, eye-opening gift I could have ever given myself.

Now don’t come at me with “But you said to not look back.” and to “move forward” because I know what I’ve preached for over ten years. So here’s the thing…. Yes, the past is the past. But if you don’t go back and fix the things from your past, they will continue to show up in your future. Over and over again. I am also here to let you in on a little something else I’ve learned by going to therapy. It will not help unless YOU are ready to admit to yourself that you are there to fix YOU.

It has helped me build boundaries. It has taught me how and when to say no and recognize when I am at the point of enough and when it’s time to end something that is no longer good for me. It has helped me know what I want and what I do not want. While going to therapy I had to leave a few people behind for me to move forward. But there will be a day I plan on circling back to them and hope they realize I did what I had to do for me. It has also shown me who I do not ever want back in my life and will never allow myself to let them back in. But most of all I now know who truly belongs in my life.

I believe everyone should see a licensed therapist at some point in their lifetime. But only you will know when the time is right for you.

Now here is where the plot twists…..

Although my therapist has helped me more than words can say. I can say without hesitation I am NOT the person I once was, and if it weren’t for my soul sisters who have held me together and cheered me on, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. They have healed a piece of me they didn’t break. It’s no coincidence they are in my life. I am grateful for them.

If it is not the right time for you to seek a licensed therapist, be intentional about creating relationships with those who fill your life with the good stuff. Who somehow just makes you feel better when you’re in their presence. The ones you know deep down that your life is better because they are in it. They truly exist. You will know when you have found them. Search for them.

As I repeatedly turned each page of one of my granddaughter’s favorite picture books, I watched her tiny finger point to the puppy she saw on each page. Page after page, she looked for the puppy and smiled when she saw it. As she intently studied each page, I wondered what could be going through her mind. She just began learning how to say her first few words. Could her one-year-old mind already create stories while looking at pictures in a book? I watched her excitement each time we began to read the book over and over. I also witnessed how she dealt with her disappointment when we reached the last page and heard me read the words… “The End.” Does she already know she doesn’t like endings?

This led me to wonder if my mind created the story of how I thought my life should be while looking at story books and reading fairy tales as a young child. Don’t all fairy tales begin with a “Once Upon a Time”? And don’t they all end with a “And They Lived Happily Ever After.”? As an adult, I unfortunately know some fairy tales do not end with “And They Lived Happily Ever After.” But I also know some endings are the beginning of a new “Once Upon a Time.”

So why does experiencing any type of an end have to hurt so badly? And why do we keep holding on when something has or needs to come to an end? Dig deep and think about some endings you have experienced. Didn’t every end have a beginning? And every beginning had an end?

Maybe all it takes for us to realize we can change the way we choose to experience an end is simply witnessing how a one-year-old chooses to do so. When your story comes to an end, simply turn the page, and start a new beginning.

I recently had a birthday. I am now 57 years old. There was a time in my life when I used to think the age of 57 was old and maybe for some people, they think it is. I do have more wrinkles and a few more grey hair on my head. Some pieces and parts of my body aren’t the same as they once were either and that’s okay with me because they are my reminders of how everything doesn’t remain the same. I’ll embrace the wrinkles, grey hair, poor eyesight, and whatever else age wants to throw my way because with age comes wisdom.

For my birthday, I thought I’d share 57 beliefs I truly believe in and some lessons I have learned in my lifetime with you in no specific order below. Some were already written by someone else, but they are exactly the words I live by. But most were written by my 57-year-old self. I hope the wisdom I gained through my lifetime of experiences, resonates with you too.

Sometimes you have to pull over to the side of your journey and look how far you’ve come.

Don’t be afraid of the solitude that comes after you raise your standards.

Don’t wish for it. Work for it.

A sense of humor, a taste for adventure, a healthy glow, openness, confidence, humility, appetite, intuition, smart-ass comebacks, and presence is powerfully sexy to me.

Your younger self would be so proud of how far you’ve come. You’ve always been enough.

Don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do.

I will not be less for someone so they can feel better about themselves.

When you meet someone, always ask God to reveal their intentions and true character to you.

Always thank God for what didn’t happen.

Lack of respect, lack of accountability, and no apology is called closure. Walk away.

Truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged.

Looking at my children lets me know I have done something very beautiful with my life.

There are two sides to every side.

I am an old soul. I find peace in nature, nights, sunsets, breezes, writing, flowers, the smell of rain, but most of all, people who feel like a hug.

Places you can absolutely stay for free. Your lane.

Hugging is the most beautiful form of communication.

Courage is walking away from all that is not meant for you. Peace is walking towards all that is.

I think there is pressure on people to turn every negative into a positive. We should be allowed to say, “I went through hell and it has altered me forever.”

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never be triggered again, or you will eventually arrive somewhere free of all past pain.

Healing is complete acceptance of all that is and surrender to what broke you.

Make mistakes but never break a trust.

Forgiving is easy. Forgetting and trusting again is sometimes impossible.

Love is safe, secure, genuine, and reassuring. Don’t settle for anything less.

Sometimes it is required to hold your head up high and your middle finger even higher.

Take more pictures but don’t forget to let people take pictures of you.

Sit in your discomfort for as long as it takes to truly absorb the lesson.

Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.

Don’t be afraid to get back up again, to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.

Growth will always require us to leave something behind. You will mourn your former life to make space for a newer you.

It is not your job to fix people. It’s only when you heal yourself that you show others the way out. We heal by following the example of the healed.

Love your people who accept and appreciate you, walk past the rest.

Life is full of people trying to be what they aren’t to get things they don’t need to impress people that don’t matter.

You’ve got one life, make it count.

Hate, greed, and liars have talked too loudly for too long. Love has to stop whispering.

Fall in love with meaningful actions and kept promises because you deserve it.

Stop looking at your past with shame. It was a transformation and it brought you here.

Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge.

I believe we are who we choose to be.

Nobody is going to come save you. You’ve got to save yourself.

Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it.

If it feels wrong, don’t do it. Trust your instincts.

Say exactly what you mean. Do not sugarcoat.

Pray, Wait, Trust.

Perhaps this next chapter has more to do with who you’re choosing to grow with, rather than what you’re letting go of.

There isn’t enough room in your mind for both worry and faith. You must decide which one will live there.

Every time I lower my frequency to meet someone on their level, I end up paying for it. That’s a lesson I don’t need to learn anymore.

Ignoring red flags because you want to see the good in people will cost you later.

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, and some are happy and exciting, but if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapter has in store for you.

Even if you hear a bad story about me. understand, there was a time I was good to those people too, but they won’t tell you that.

Life is fragile. Just because something is there for one day, it might not be there the next. Never take that for granted.

Real chemistry, love, support, and friendship are rare. Real is rare. If you find it, keep it.

People treat you exactly how they feel about you. Be blind if you want to.

Struggle is good. Struggle is where you find yourself.

I am not ashamed of my flaws. I proudly wear them for all to see and judge. So tell me if you do not like something. I assure you, I can handle it. I’ll respect you for it.

What I can’t handle are lies. I’m skeptical of the facts you leave out and fake portrayals. Mistruths cut deepest and linger longest. They make me wonder who you truly are.

and one last one… Life is a gift. We are all more blessed than what we actually think.

I am gonna vomit out the words that have been swirling around in my head for a few days. I hope it all comes together and makes sense in the end. Buckle up. Here goes….

Last week I was doing a little Christmas shopping at the worst place in the world… Walmart. While I was driving there, I had a full-blown conversation with myself. I asked myself… why? Why am I going to torture myself? As I drove into the parking lot I could see the sea of cars. I once again asked, why? But by the grace of God, there was a spot someone had just backed out of so I pulled in. I walked in and the only basket I could find had one wheel that was stuck and the other three squeaked. I thought this was a sign I should just turn and run out. But I figured I made it this far, I should just go for it. So I pushed my squeaky three-wheel basket and ventured into the black abyss of Walmart hell. There were people everywhere. Christmas music blaring in the background. The smell of burnt fried chicken from the deli floating in the air. I could hear the sound of crying babies. It was then I realized even babies hate this place. And it was so freaking hot in there. I wish I could remember how long it took me to find what I was looking for, but for some reason, time goes away once you enter the pit of hell, oops I mean, Walmart. Was I there for 10 minutes or ten hours?? I don’t know. But I managed to find the toy I needed to get for my grandson and a basket full of other crap I threw in as I aimlessly walked around looking for it.

At this point, I am now sweating. Was it because I was in the fires of hell? Was it because I pushed a squeaky three-wheel basket while leaving skid marks on the floor from the stuck fourth wheel? Was it because I now had to decide between standing in the long line at the self-checkout or at a regular checkout with a real human who works behind the cash register? So as the sweat rolled down my back and exhaustion set in, I decided to get in the line behind a young couple in the regular checkout line. I stood in a line that happened to extend back into the clothing section. I also overheard the young couple in front of me bickering with each other. He wanted to know why did she have to be so bitchy about everything and she wanted to know why did he have to be such an a**hole. At this point not only am I sweating and exhausted, I am a little sad. I wanted so badly to step in between them and make them stop. I wanted to tell them they had no idea how lucky to have each other to be able to endure shopping in hell together and they shouldn’t say stuff like that to each other. But I didn’t.

As I stood there pretending to not hear them, I remembered the Christmas shopping adventures Shawn and I once made together. I could only wonder how many people overheard our conversations. I am sure we sounded the same way as the young couple in front of me. And I am positive we were somewhere in line at a Wal-HELL, fighting because he was being an a*hole and I was being a btch. And guess what???

I miss those days too. I miss having someone to fight with in Walmart while pushing a squeaky basket.

Hugs!

I can remember the morning I woke up and realized I had run out of coffee the day before. It was a Sunday. It was weeks into my grief journey. The people who at first surrounded me 24/7 were slowly drifting back into their own busy lives but continued to hover through phone calls or text messages.

Them: “Do you need anything?” Me: “No thank you, I don’t need anything.”

This was around the time reality was beginning to slap me in the face. It was the time I knew I needed to try to start peeling myself from the sofa I had spent every single day sitting on and needed to start getting out of the house. I remember when I made the pot of coffee the day before using the last of the coffee grounds, I told myself it would be the day I would finally get out. But grief had different plans for me on that Saturday. Grief decided to sucker-punch me and I could not pull myself off of the sofa. I could not leave the house. Grief has a sneaky way of showing up at any given moment and ruining any goals, big or small, you may have made for yourself.

All I needed to do was pick up my phone and send out a group text message to let someone know I needed coffee. I knew once I sent out my call for help, I would end up with enough coffee to last me a lifetime from those who desperately wanted to do something for me. But I also knew it would mean someone would want to come over to the house to drop it off and probably would want to stay and talk.

I did not send out a cry for help. Instead, I continued to lie to myself. I continued to tell myself I would get dressed and just quickly run to the grocery later in the day when I would feel better.

Well, later on never happened to me. The longer my day went on, the longer the extreme wave of grief I was experiencing went on, and the weaker I became. I was stressing about getting dressed to go to the grocery store. I had made a goal for myself but couldn’t do it. And as crazy as this sounds, the simple thought of sending a text message was too much of an effort for me to make. This wasn’t because I was too prideful to ask for help, it was because I was completely exhausted from my day of stressful grief while sitting on my stupid sofa. So I did what I had previously done for weeks. I made another goal for myself. I promised I would get up first thing the next morning to go get the coffee. I then took a pill I had been prescribed to help me sleep and put myself into a coma.

Sunday morning…. my eyes open, and I roll out of bed. As I walked through our living room heading to the kitchen to make coffee, you guessed it….. I realized the promise I made the night before was about to become another failed goal. But then something made me look at our front door, and through the glass, I could see something sitting on our front porch. My first thought was, Oh Lord… please not another plant or casserole. My prayer was answered. It was…coffee!!! It was a half-gallon of hot coffee from Starbucks with cups, creamer, sugar, and sweeteners. My eyes couldn’t believe it.

It must be the pill I took the night before. I must be sleepwalking and dreaming this. But I wasn’t. To this day, I have no idea who got up on a Sunday morning to drop off something I will never forget and will forever be grateful for. It might just be coffee to you, but it was a true-answered prayer for me. It was the warmest “hug-in-a-cup” I’ve ever received!

You’re probably bored with my coffee story. So I will finally get to my point.

Don’t ask. Just do it.

When someone is going through a hard time in their life, please don’t ask what can you do for them. Don’t ask if they need anything. Just do it.

Go to the grocery, go cut their grass, pick up their mail. Do whatever your heart tells you to do. Just don’t ask them. And for the love of God, don’t ring the doorbell and wait for them to answer. Drop it off and leave. They will be grateful for the toilet paper you thought they needed.

Please don’t make someone pull themselves off the sofa to open the door to have a conversation. They are exhausted. They need quiet time.

They need coffee.

What do I do now? This is a question I’ve asked myself more times than I can count. I am sure it’s a question you have asked yourself many times too.

I can remember asking this question moments after I lost Shawn. “What do I do now?” The answer I received wasn’t what I was expecting. I think what I meant to ask at the time was, How do I live life without Shawn now? Or, How do I do life now? How do I continue now? But I didn’t use those exact words. However, I did receive an answer to my question of what to do NOW that dreadful morning from the police officer who was standing in our living room, “You need to call your family.” So I did.

I then asked my family the same question once they arrived at our home shortly after they received my call. Once again, I received another immediate answer I wasn’t expecting. “You need to call the funeral home and start making arrangements.” So I did.

I listened and did what I was told because I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I needed to do something. And honestly, now that I think of it, this was probably one of the first times I followed someone’s directions. If you knew that Daneen, you knew she had a head like a brick. She followed her own rules and needed to be in control at all times.

This is also a question people ask themselves when they know someone who is experiencing a painful loss. What do I do now? Should I bake and send them a chicken broccoli-cheese casserole? Send flowers and a card? Say you are praying for them?? Should I call the pharmacy? And how strong can the prescription be?

For many years I questioned myself if I packed up Shawn’s clothing too quickly, if I sold our home too soon, or if I jumped too fast with my decision-making because of the unexpected answers to my NOW question I received moments after my loss. Believe me, I am not blaming them. They didn’t know what to say or do. They simply answered my question.

I feel the first words spoken shortly after Shawn’s death are the ones I remember the most because my brain hadn’t processed the event yet. My eyes and ears were absorbing everything around me. Also, I am positive the horse tranquilizers, oops, I mean, the prescription I overheard family members whispering about hadn’t arrived yet.

Here I am, almost ten years later, and guess what…. although I have experienced all of the above and more, I struggle with what to do or say to someone who is experiencing a devasting loss. But what I struggle with most of all is not holding back my true words when I am asked “What do I do now.”

So what should you do or say to someone who is going through a painful event is the real question here.

I do not have all the answers and I so wish I did. But I truly feel sometimes in life there are just no words to be spoken. Your presence is louder than words. But when we do ask questions your words and actions should be chosen carefully, but NOT sugarcoated. Tell us what we NEED to hear, not what you think we should hear. And if you haven’t experienced your devasting moment yet, please stay silent. Believe me, although we are in shock or in a medicated fog, we hear your inexperienced words. And please for the love of God, don’t shoot those emoji-praying hands on Facebook unless you truly mean you really are praying.

This may sound harsh to some, but these are the true words I say to someone who is in pain.

I am so sorry for your pain. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I will fiercely continue to pray for you and all of the surviving family members and ask God to please help you seek a purpose for your pain, and not let the pain be your purpose. You will never move on, but there will come a day when you will begin to move forward. You will make mistakes. You will stumble. This will hurt like hell, but you will get through this. People will surround you but eventually, they will return back to their lives, and that is when the real grief kicks in. It is when reality sets in. But guess what, that is when I will be there for you. But in the meantime, you have to feel this to heal this. And no one can fix you. You have to be the one to pull yourself together and realize you have a second chance at life to be better than the person you once were.

Because my friend, you will never be the same person you once were.